The following tips have been contributed by CeCe Hilliard, LCSW, from Counseling and Psychological Services.

Anger is a powerful emotion that operates off of adrenaline and initiates our fight or flight reactions. Anger can be a positive when it empowers us to speak up for ourselves or someone else who is being wronged. It can also be a negative when it is expressed through verbal or physical threats or violence or is suppressed and carried by the angry person. The only difference in the two is how a person has learned to express his/her anger. Here are some suggestions that could be helpful if you feel like you might want to make some changes:

Ways to Healthy Anger & Staying in Control

• Become aware of your feelings and behaviors
• Take responsibility for your emotions and responses
• Monitor your attitude. Negative reaps negative!
• Don’t be your own worst enemy. Monitor your self-talk.
• Don’t try to control others or they will end up controlling you!
• Develop resources and a positive support system.
• Develop healthy self-care behaviors.
• Work on increasing positive feelings towards yourself.
• See your successes no matter how small.
• Admit your mistakes. They are really just opportunities to learn.
• Choose your actions carefully. Some may lead to dead- end roads!

RULES OF FAIR FIGHTING

DON’T:

• Make fun of others
• Hit, push or touch the other person in any way
• Yell
• Interrupt
• Make faces (roll your eyes; glare; sneer, etc)
• Attack the other person’s personality
• Use name-calling
• Bring up old issues
• Avoid talking about the real issue
• Say dismissive phrases (“just forget it”; “tough”; “big deal”; “so what”, etc.)
• Try to win
• Invade the other’s personal space

DO:

• Stick to the main issue
• Talk in a normal tone of voice
• Start sentences with “I” not “You”
• Verbalize your feelings
• Breathe normally and deeply
• Know what you are upset about and be clear about it
• Make good eye contact
• Be willing to agree to disagree
• Take a time-out when needed
• Keep things in perspective
• Listen-Listen-Listen